So in April 2007 I got kicked out of my apartment by a cRrRrRRrRrrazy person, a jellyfish, and a sheep. And something Crazy had said to me stayed with me for a long time because I wondered if other, more sane, people might agree. Crazy said to me something about how I act superior...how I've got to be better than everyone, or I think I'm better than everyone, something along those lines... but her example was school. Of all things, my studies? Please, if anything, I act superior to peoples morals... I know it. And I feel it. I'm not going to pretend that I don't think I'm a better human being than I lot of the scum-suckers out there, because I really do think I'm superior to some. She didn't even know me well enough to highlight my ACTUAL egocentricities, she had to make something up? Fail, psycho hose beast. Anyway, she said i talked down her LAMB of a boyfriend's major... Geology, because I took a Geology class and said it was 'so easy, any idiot could be a geologist.' Like 'any idiot could be a geologist' is even in my syntax repertoire. Lord. Thus ensues the torrent of proof that my former roommate suffers from dimentia, because I practically failed my Geology class as it was so intense. And I even complained 'DAMN i thought this INTRO 101 CLASS was going to be easy and it's rocking (ha) my face off!' It was a 101 class, I was a sophomore, I thought I would be fine. But Geology is a hard subject for me! Cue the lamb, who is a Geo major and my one-time best friend. I asked for his help because he's brilliant and loves Geology, and he knew how to speak my language so I'd understand. And like I wouldn't take any excuse I could to get just a LITTLE bit of one on one time away from HER? She wasn't even appreciative of the fact that I handed her this wonderful famous-last-name-toting boyfriend on a silver platter with a full user's guide. She wasn't a good person. So, when all of this happened April 31st, 2007, I was appalled when the one-time-best-friend-turned-sex-addicted-baby-sheep backed every last word Crazy said, including the horrible misrepresentation and defamation of my character. Something John swore he would never let ANYONE get away with. Which brings me to my pain-staking point; I was feeling (sadly, not) unusually nostalgic tonight and went through the old message exchanges between John and I. And some of them were so funny they brought me back to this place where I missed him so much. Some were so lovely they brought me to tears. We said I love you, I'm always here for you, I've never met anyone like you... once rich, heartfelt words that are trunk moths now. But in the midst of all those memories, I found a message in conjunction with my verbal pleading of John and his expertise to get me through Geology:
John Emery DeLong
January 8, 2007 at 12:04pm
What is the formal name of the class? History of the Earth, Enviromental Diasters, or Intro. to Geology. I need answers if Im going to be able to help. Damnit mandie!
Carl, your tutor?
Mandie Murphy
January 8, 2007 at 4:43pm
Geology 101: Environmental. I have to do Calibrated Peer Reviews, exercises from a CD, pop-quizzes (which i typo-ed just now as poop-quizzes), and papers! Not to mention the normal stuff like 4 tests and an applicatory final! I will be enlisting my smart and ever so sweet best friend for his help. :)
Even though it's a year and 8 months later, I still feel better somehow, now that I know this is out there and that I stumbled upon it like I did, when I was really feeling down. And yet... it makes me so sad. Because I also found a message where John and I argued over how I could so easily erase Nick from my life and my explanation to John was that I was so tired of people always making decisions that effect my heart when I'm not even the one throwing around the ultimatum. Mikey and Kim Topp did it when it came to Aly and Shannon, Mike did it when it came to Alexandra, Luke did it, Meghan did it, and now... John fits in to that category too. I never asked him to choose, but without hesitation he backed everything she said, even though I'm looking at the very words we said that disprove her lies. And sadly, I erased John from my life even more successfully than I have Nick because I will speak to Nick if he's unfortunate enough to come in to my vicinity. Poor John would never see that civility. With his final words of, 'I guess this is it,' he solidified our fate. He broke my heart so many times that year with everything that happened between us, that with sam slapped on as our proverbial icing on the cake, it just hurt too much to stay. Not to mention I was banished by her, and he uttered nothing in my defense. Yet I thought our friendship could make it through anything, I really did. And every word I ever said to him, I said with conviction, truth, and so much heart. And he loved me despite all of that. He accepted and admired my grit and quirks, and flaws. Until that fateful fucking day when he threw himself in to my history book as one of the greatest heartbreaks of my life. I guess, in a strange way that's probably what he wanted. For my heart to break as much as his had. For me to feel for him how I felt for Tunink, Mahler, and Nick. They hurt my feelings because they didn't like me back. Nick destroyed me for... well, a lot of things, but John... he really did a number on me. Really knocked me down to nothing. And its something that I haven't 100% gotten up from, but having pieces and glimpses like that one I'm sharing here... well... I hope they help me in the resilience department.
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